Going All In and Finding Freedom

committed

If I’m honest with myself, and God knows I hate when I have to be, I know that I haven’t been fully committed to much in my life. I’m a girl who loves options — an escape plan, a new boss, even another lover to replace a current one if things don’t work out. At the first sign of a flaw or weakness, I’ve been ready to run. Who needs the hassle of other people’s crap? I’ve got more than enough of my own.

But I keep holding on to a few things — my God, who keeps me grounded and steady; my kid, who keeps my heart light and my legacy secure; and my art, which helps me relate to the world around me in variables that I understand.  And I fight with all of them. I get angry. I take timeouts. I threaten to walk away. But, of course, those threats are empty. I need each of these facets of my life just as I need oxygen.

ring

My purpose ring. I wear it on my left hand now.

I wear this ring, my purpose ring, to show my commitment. It is a constant reminder of their presence in my life, and what that presence requires of me. They never quit me, and I will never quit them. I’m fully committed. All in.

tweet

I read the quote in 2009 while sitting in a Target café.

I tweeted the above image a few weeks ago, when that quote came crashing back into my life after an evening creating vision boards with my creative circle (who are truly Heaven-sent). I was looking over my board after I got home and the house was quiet, and I saw the freedom of being able to relax and be exactly who I am because I chose, and daily choose, to commit to my dream of creating an authentic, artistic and fruitful life. Not only that, but I saw that who I am, who I really am, helps others to be who they really are. That’s freedom.

Bonnie and Clyde.

Bonnie and Clyde.

And now, I have this new component to my life, the partnership of a loving man who makes me feel, finally, like there’s no need for escape plans or lovers-in-wait. I’m investing in him, and him in me, and day-by-day, through amazing dates and surreal road trips and rolling eyes and disagreements, I’m committing to us. The more safety I feel, the more I feel the freedom to be me. I feel that exhale that Terry McMillan penned in her book two decades ago from somewhere deep in the curvature of my spine, and I had no idea how bound I was until I let it go.

**I won’t be talking about him anymore though, because it’s MY blog. He’s got his own. You can check him out here.**

I’m actively seeking freedom, Sweetie Pies. I’m committed to the journey.

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